Leaving...

I don’t really know how to explain this, because I still wonder if it makes sense. At church on Sunday, I felt God telling me to say “Goodbye.” Goodbye to the people, the community, the service, the building, everything. Well, everything but the small group we’re a part of.

It doesn’t make sense to me because I don’t understand why God would call one person away from a church. It seems that if God is so concerned about unity in the people of God, he wouldn’t call someone away from the community their apart of.

I’m not saying I don’t want to leave my church. There have been many “signs” lately that it is time to go. The first came a long time ago when the teaching began to concern me. The second came when people asked me if I have a place to serve… and I didn’t have an exact answer. Then, at the end of January, my professional mentor (who doesn’t go to my church) challenged me that if I don’t change churches now, I won’t have a place to serve when I graduate from seminary. The scary part is, my other mentor (who does go to my church) agreed with her. And more and more people told me they agreed with her. More and more people told me they see me fitting better at another church. I’ve had other churches tell me they’ll be happy to have me.

But I’ve been hesitant to go.

Sunday, God told me to go.

The problem is, I don’t know where to go.

Tim wants me to get involved at Scum of the Earth. And I’ve been hesitant. But, I’m no longer saying “no.” A friend just told me that I’ll “know” where God wants me as soon as I walk in the sanctuary of a new church. But, I’m not sure that that’s going to happen with me. God usually has to convince me more than that. And, if I’m understanding Him well, I think He’s leading me to two things:
1. To wait.
2. To trust.
Other than that, I think I’m “homeless” for awhile. I think this is a time for him to teach me about Him and to teach me about me. I think God needed to remove my sense of belonging in order for me to fully turn to Him. It’s tough. But I have defined myself by what I’ve done for so long, I think He’s trying to wean me from that and to trust Him with my past, my present, and my future. To trust Him to define me and not myself.