Identity

For the last few years I have been searching for my identity. For a long time I did whatever anyone else wanted me to. I played sports because it was the "cool" thing that my classmates were involved in - but I didn't excel and I didn't exactly enjoy it... except for softball, I love softball.

Anyway, because I enjoy the performing arts (singing, piano, dance, and especially theatre) I haven't "fit in" with most people (and I don't fit in with my in-laws who are arriving to spend the weekend with us in a few hours) and that often makes me feel less valuable because people don't value what I value.

So, as I've learned about my "Identity in Christ" I've learned that I am God's child, that I am a part of the kingdom, that I have gifts that He has given me, that I am loved. But I realized something new the other night. I am not loved because I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was five years old or because I am going to seminary to be a preacher one day. No, I am loved and worth it simply because I exist. Jesus died for me (and all of you) before we accepted Him. He died because we are worth it - even as sinners. And because he died we are glorified as saints.

We are worth it because he made each person individually - Christian or not.

Last night I heard a couple speak about their experience with their son who is living the homosexual lifestyle. They spoke about how twenty years ago when their son "came out" the dad, Jack, did not want to accept it and the mom, Gloria, was reaching for help. They talked not about trying to change their son, but about changing their own attitudes and actions within their marriage. And their family was a lot like mine is and has been. You don't talk about your problems. Most things are the woman's fault - she has all of the vices and he the virtues. But they realized that was not true - and I realized last night that somewhere I had learned those same lies. Nobody sat me down and told me my husband was better than me, but I have often believed that willingly. And now it is time to change.

It is time to embrace my gifts and talents. It is time to embrace the hobies that I enjoy and learn to say "no" to things I don't. It is time to take the risk and let people know the real me even though they may not like it very much. It is time to know that I have virtues. That I'm not the one causing all the problems. That's why I like the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. The chorus says this:

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

But the best line is this:

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way