My Beauty

Is it ok to be a woman in ministry? Well, that’s not what I really mean to ask. What I mean to ask is, is it ok for a woman to be feminine while she is in a position of leadership? Our society seems to say “no.” Even the feminists are bra burners, o-naturals who don’t seem to spend time worrying about things like beauty. They seem to want to be men. Because of their place in our male-dominated culture, feminists are angry that they are women and forced to be second.

I don’t want to be like that.

God has been teaching me about my beauty. I, like most women and girls, wonder a lot about whether I’m as pretty as the girl standing next to me. It really began to be a burden to me this past fall, even though I wouldn’t tell anyone. And then, one night at a prayer meeting, I was asked to sit in the center of the circle so people could “give words” to me from God. I did, although I really didn’t know if they would have anything to say. Immediately, they began talking about my beauty in God’s eyes.

“You are beautiful.” They said.

I was overwhelmed. Why would God care about something like my appearance? Why would he care to tell me that he thinks I’m beautiful? Shouldn’t he be more interested in my love for my neighbor or something more practical? Why beauty?

Since then, the issue of my beauty has become a major part of figuring out who I am. It seems really shallow, but I know it’s not. On Saturday, I read a chapter from the book Captivating by Stasi and John Eldridge on beauty. It really spoke to my heart and told me so much about myself. I have been afraid to be vulnerable and to invite people into my life which is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do.

The most beautiful woman I can think of is not Jennifer Anniston or Charlize Theron, (who are both very pretty) but it is Kelly Berkley. Miss Kelly who is so loving, inviting, and vulnerable is at peace and at rest with herself which makes those around her at peace. She is beautiful.

I think God is teaching me about my beauty because He is teaching me who He wants me to be. God is teaching me what it means to be a woman in a world of men. He is teaching me to be me when I enter into ministry and leadership. I know it won’t be easy being vulnerable – it has already been very hard trying to share with others how I like to think of myself as a princess, something I don’t share with anybody – but I know it is something I need to do in order to find pure joy in Christ and in myself.